Hi Guys,

I've been writing 69-word, theme-based stories for the digital lifestyle magazine, The Brown Scooter, every month.

Read off and let me know what you think/feel :)


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aaiFone - A Technological Marvel

Couple of days back, Steve P. Jobs unveiled the world’s first custom made series of touch screen phones, affectionately titled the AAIFONE (aaiFone). Targeted specifically at the Maharashtrians, this phone is the result of a recent collaboration between Apple (or SapharChand as its partners call it), RMNS Corp. and Shee Cena (wholly-owned subsidiary of Ball Tak Inc., Ulhasnagar)

The product was launched in a high profile press conference held in Bihar on Feb 14th. Steve P. Jobs appeared on a bullock cart wearing a Pheta with the aaiFone held high. He was accompanied by Aaj Phekrey (CEO, RMNS) and Uthake Phekrey (Chairman, Shee Cena) on either side. “This starts a new chapter in the history of touch screen phones”, said Steve. “I have always wanted to give something back to my fellow maharashtrians and this is my Valentine’s Day gift to them. I am and always have been one of them. For the uninformed, my middle name is Padgaonkar and not Paul as some people assume it to be. Mee pann ek Marathi manoos aahe”, confessed Steve in front of a massive three member audience.

aaiFone weighs a good 5 kilos and is sturdy, lathi-resistant, shock-proof, oil-proof, water-resistant and blood-proof. “It has been designed keeping the average activist in mind. We want people to use it during bandhs and rasta rokos and that’s reason we have made it this strong”, Aaj was quoted as having said. Encased in a violence-inducing orange, green and black metal case, this Phone is an internet-enabled multi-touch, multimedia masterpiece. Based on the Jijabyte chipset (named as a tribute to Shivaji), it has a virtual keyboard, touch sensitive buttons and 0.3 Megha-pixel (named after Steve’s daughter) camera. The initial models won’t have xenon flash or auto focus (though the consortium says that the later versions would have a North Indian focus!). But what truly makes it a portable must-have of the ordinary Marathi manoos is its software and interface. Apple’s proprietary software – Mac ki OS is at the heart of this phone. The default language of the phone would be Marathi (Devanagari being the only other option.) Mr. Uthake was quoted as having told the audience that they could have any other language on the phone as long as it was Marathi. The aaiFone would come pre-loaded with wallpapers and screensavers of Tigers, Shivaji maharaj, Vada pav, Arun gawli etc. The themes would have a distinct orange, blue and green tint to them. Famous Marathi tunes such as the Nashik dhol, Dhagala lagli kalla and Jai Jai Maharashtra mazhaa would be included as a standard set in the cell’s multimedia gallery. In terms of connectivity, the phone would have an inbuilt browser called Swarajya and files could be exchanged wirelessly using proprietary software NeelDantha.

For promotional activities, they have tied up with actors Shreyas Talpade & Mohan Joshi. The advertising would be handled by Bhen & Mather Pvt Ltd. An ‘apple-eating tiger’ is the proposed logo and the propossed ad jingle is – Tujhya aai cha, Mazhaa aai cha, Saglyancha aai cha aavadta AAIFONE.

The consortium has vowed to make this phone available ONLY to real Maharashtrians. After a careful screening process (to be done by company activists and not network providers), only the TRUE marathis would be able to lay their hands on this baby!

41 comments:

Dhananjay said...

Awesome! Simply BRILLIANT! Easily your BEST post till date.

K.K. said...

ROFLMAO!!!! enjoyed this one thoroughly and betters your Himesh post by a loooong way , really super stuff.

Anonymous said...

awesome man ..really hilarious one this !really wud be ur best post as someone mentioned b4 me


flaash

CruciFire said...

@ dhanu, kk - Thanx a lot guys... really appreciate the comments!

@ anonymous - thanx, but i wud have been more happy if i knew who u were!

Dhananjay said...

If I'm not mistaken, 'flaash' has to be Naveen Giles.

CruciFire said...

@dhanu - oh yeah checked up his orkut... thanx man..AND thanx a lot Naveen!

Directionless Wanderer said...

wow! so the metal-head has now become a skeptic doling out sardonic wit and biting sarcasm on Indian politics! .... the post is indeed awesome and probably the 2nd best (metal head's wedding can't be beaten!) .... you managed to make it both entertaining as well as sarcastic .... the sarcasm was sometimes subtle, sometimes slapstick, but was very effective .... Also, a nice selection of fictitious names that are phonetically similar to their real-life infamous counterparts!

All in all, great post! keep blogging!

CruciFire said...

@ rajiv - heyy thanx a lot dude... im on Desipundit! :P

Iyer Education said...

super-ultra-hilarious post... total entertainer... i wish they have this post as a sample read-up document on the aaiphone :)

Dinesh said...

Hats off!!!!... Best post till date.. No doubt.. owns anything i have read yet..

CruciFire said...

@ Iyer & Dinesh - Thanx a lot guys for dropping in...

VINEETHA said...

Too good....:-))

CruciFire said...

@ vineetha - thanx a lot madam... do keep coming back...

APOO said...

Was recommended this post by Iyer! LOL! Totally worth it! Thanks for the laugh

CruciFire said...

@apoo - thnx apoo and who is this iyer ur referring too? iyer is too generic a surname for me to be guessing the first name...

Shaily said...

hey JK...this post is wow...the kinda analogy drawn...the words used...the idea itself is amazin and sooo entertaining!A kinda slap in da face for the current halla and at the same time lighthearted fun!this is sarcasm @ its best...keep writin...i enjoy ur blogs! :)

CruciFire said...

@ shaily - welcome back shails... and thanx a lot for the kind words!

Akshay said...

Dude this is the first blog of urs that i read and just can't imagine any of the previous blogs to be better than this...SIMPLY AWESOME!!!....The thing i liked the best was "RMNS Corp." Sounds like a real big U.S. Giant...Watch out AT&T...

CruciFire said...

@ Akshay - thanx a lot dude... i hope u checked out my other posts too... do keep checking back..

Kim said...

hehehe.

cool post.

Finally - your post put a smile on my face in what has otherwise been a depressing day.

CruciFire said...

@ kim - heyy thanx kim... and by telling me THAT, u hve made my day! :) keep checking back...

ashwin sundar said...

He He LOL was very good

CruciFire said...

@ ashwin - thanx a lot boss... keep checking back

maduraiveeran said...

I finally got time to read your aaiFone post. This post is awesome. Aaj Thakre and Uthake Phekre was the best! Keep up the good work.

CruciFire said...

@ mv - thanx a lot for dropping in...

Pulkit said...

Hilarious. The punch line "tuhya aai chaa, mazhyaa aai chaa..." sent me rolling.
Yeh dil maange more!

CruciFire said...

@ pulkit - thanx a lot dude... do check back..

Anonymous said...

Thts one helluva good article.
Awesomely awesome !!

CruciFire said...

@Anon - thnx a lot but wud have lovd it if u wud have mentioned ur name.. :)

ankiit said...

Way too cool !!

Mehul said...

Just came across your blog from yaymen blog. Awesome post this one. I want one aaiPhone too now.

CruciFire said...

@ankitt - thnx bro

@mehul - thnx man... out of stock it is, wait for sometime :P

Saurabh said...

Amazingly well written. The description of the cell phone exteriors and its features was hilarious. and Neeldantha - too good.

What's next? Bill Baburao Gaytunde's new Operating System - Windows Vitthal? :)

CruciFire said...

@saurabh thanx a million dude

Rachit Kwatra said...

Awesome post !! This is the first time I have visited your blog and the post has literally blown me away !! Looks like I'll be spending the rest of the day going through the rest of the entries :)

IDriSh LAxmIdHAR said...

Awesome..

Small Talk said...

Dude the post is just to Hilarious !!!!!
U shuld write more often .....

Nilesh said...

Sarcasm at its scarring best.
:)awesome shit.

sajid moinuddin said...

This is too GOOD!!! LOLLLLL
Brilliant...

Dinesh Kaulgud said...

Aila! What a post... superb one :-)

CruciFire said...

@Rachit @Idrish @Smalltalk @Nilesh @Sajid @Dinesh Thanks a million guys... do check back for more awesomeness!