The HIMESH Saga - Part I

Disclaimer: If Any Of U Takes This Seriously…They will be hooked on to a chair with headphones and made to listen to every single hit of Himesh over and over and over again…Punishment being Prescribed Under Section XXX of “Freedom Of Speech For The Mute” Act of 3005 A.H (After Himesh)

Loo ki smooth deewaron pe,
Deewaron pe,

Pee hai Tera tera,
Pee hai tera tera,

(well the one above is not the exact version but I’ll tell you the funda later…)

One of the many ubiquitous songs that you will hear all around u, blaring from literally every corner of the street…and as the cliché goes – love him, hate him, u just can’t ignore him…he is the one and only - Himesh Reshammiya, the only worthy competitor to a donkey and Anu malik (aren’t both one and the same….wotever!) until now... He is omnipresent, omnipotent, impotent..BUT do any of u know the real story behind this i-wont-give-my-money-to-gillette, unwashed-for-years-cap-wearing, evolution-not-yet-complete creature…

It all started in Somalia… born in a small two-room hut, the only lighting that his tiny home had was a single ray of sun that fell upon his bald head while he used to play with a LEGO mike in his hand.. though his family cud barely manage 3 meals a day, they somehow didn’t quite like the idea of their son being all black when he wud grow up (due the aforementioned ray of sunlight), so guess wot? they bought him a cap from the the nearby kachra-kundi.

He absolutely loved donning the cap every single freaking day of his pithy life (which continues even till today!!) and staring at the sole sun-ray, which btw fell at a precise angle of 45.5 degrees against the floor…. He had no idea that one day this sun-staring ordeal would take a toll on his neck and permanently paralyze him into looking at the ceiling, and give a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘looking upto’ someone/something… Years passed by and this unnamed stupid boy kept making weird noises with his LEGO mike held up high… the first ever sound he made brought the whole animal kingdom to his home… ooooooooooOOOOOO ...

Lion (to other animals) – Wasn’t Tarzan a fictional character created by Edgar Burroghs, who the hell is this?

Elephant – This is no Tarzan or Phantom or Mowgli… Haven’t you seen one of those Krishna serials? A baby boy has been born to a couple living in the forest and he seems to have magical powers… It is said that this boy was a donkey-okapi-whale hybrid in his previous life…

Lion – Hmm, then I guess there’s nothing to be afraid of… anyways, he seems to have inherited all those qualities (wrong word!) of his previous life… god save us… going by the fact that another animal hybrid (read Anu Malik) is making big bucks in Bollywood as a music director and part-time brayer (yippee, new word…), I’m sure this boy will go on to be bigger and harsher than Anu Malik…. AMEN!!!

By the time he was 10, he had been the butt of all jokes at forest meetings (with animals obviously..) and had made a name for himself as a pro at mud-slinging… on amavasya day, he was christened HIMESH (Hi, I M Established SHit) by the local Hakuna-Matata baby care center… As days passed, Himesh was getting sick and bored of ‘hanging around’ with his jungle friends, he wanted to do something different and creative, his stupid intellect and moronic antics notwithstanding… He decided to come to Bollywood… a place where every tom, dick and harry could roam about making absolutely pathetic movies with even-more pathetic songs and dim-witted singers/song writers/choreographers et all...

TO BE CONTINUED...