Hi Guys,

I've been writing 69-word, theme-based stories for the digital lifestyle magazine, The Brown Scooter, every month.

Read off and let me know what you think/feel :)


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The HIMESH Saga - Part I

Disclaimer: If Any Of U Takes This Seriously…They will be hooked on to a chair with headphones and made to listen to every single hit of Himesh over and over and over again…Punishment being Prescribed Under Section XXX of “Freedom Of Speech For The Mute” Act of 3005 A.H (After Himesh)


Loo ki smooth deewaron pe,
Deewaron pe,

Pee hai Tera tera,
Pee hai tera tera,

(well the one above is not the exact version but I’ll tell you the funda later…)

One of the many ubiquitous songs that you will hear all around u, blaring from literally every corner of the street…and as the cliché goes – love him, hate him, u just can’t ignore him…he is the one and only - Himesh Reshammiya, the only worthy competitor to a donkey and Anu malik (aren’t both one and the same….wotever!) until now... He is omnipresent, omnipotent, impotent..BUT do any of u know the real story behind this i-wont-give-my-money-to-gillette, unwashed-for-years-cap-wearing, evolution-not-yet-complete creature…

It all started in Somalia… born in a small two-room hut, the only lighting that his tiny home had was a single ray of sun that fell upon his bald head while he used to play with a LEGO mike in his hand.. though his family cud barely manage 3 meals a day, they somehow didn’t quite like the idea of their son being all black when he wud grow up (due the aforementioned ray of sunlight), so guess wot? they bought him a cap from the the nearby kachra-kundi.

He absolutely loved donning the cap every single freaking day of his pithy life (which continues even till today!!) and staring at the sole sun-ray, which btw fell at a precise angle of 45.5 degrees against the floor…. He had no idea that one day this sun-staring ordeal would take a toll on his neck and permanently paralyze him into looking at the ceiling, and give a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘looking upto’ someone/something… Years passed by and this unnamed stupid boy kept making weird noises with his LEGO mike held up high… the first ever sound he made brought the whole animal kingdom to his home… ooooooooooOOOOOO ...

Lion (to other animals) – Wasn’t Tarzan a fictional character created by Edgar Burroghs, who the hell is this?

Elephant – This is no Tarzan or Phantom or Mowgli… Haven’t you seen one of those Krishna serials? A baby boy has been born to a couple living in the forest and he seems to have magical powers… It is said that this boy was a donkey-okapi-whale hybrid in his previous life…

Lion – Hmm, then I guess there’s nothing to be afraid of… anyways, he seems to have inherited all those qualities (wrong word!) of his previous life… god save us… going by the fact that another animal hybrid (read Anu Malik) is making big bucks in Bollywood as a music director and part-time brayer (yippee, new word…), I’m sure this boy will go on to be bigger and harsher than Anu Malik…. AMEN!!!

By the time he was 10, he had been the butt of all jokes at forest meetings (with animals obviously..) and had made a name for himself as a pro at mud-slinging… on amavasya day, he was christened HIMESH (Hi, I M Established SHit) by the local Hakuna-Matata baby care center… As days passed, Himesh was getting sick and bored of ‘hanging around’ with his jungle friends, he wanted to do something different and creative, his stupid intellect and moronic antics notwithstanding… He decided to come to Bollywood… a place where every tom, dick and harry could roam about making absolutely pathetic movies with even-more pathetic songs and dim-witted singers/song writers/choreographers et all...

TO BE CONTINUED...

16 comments:

Surya Ragunaathan said...

ooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO....
Btw, what's with that mysterious-round-pendant-locket that features in all his videos?? and I guess thats a nasal twang...
keep the stories coming :-)
Also, there's this community on Orkut which has around 1600 members by now. You know what its called?? 'I HATE HIMESH RESHAMIYA' community...Join soon...:-) :-)

Anonymous said...

HIMESH (Hi, I M Established SHit) ... gud 1 ...kiska dhaapa?..

K.K. said...

Hahahaha ! super stuff dude ......

Dhananjay Shettigar said...

Him-ess Bhai Ki Kya Pehchaan,
Kholo......
Yeah, you got the drift :)
Part-II eagerly awaited.

CruciFire said...

@ surya - Hmmm...how is it that I don't quite remember seeing any such pendant; if I had do u really think I wud have left that one out.. btw, I am alrdy a prt of that community...

@ anonymous - now that I know who u r, it is totally original boss..

@ kk - thnx a lot sir..

@ dhanu - thnk u and wait for smtime for the 2nd part.. sabr ka phal meetha hota hai...sheesh!

Shri said...

I dunno if u have read GBs post on Himesh...but he has given d best analogy abt his voice....He has compared it to 'the bleatings of a castrated donkey' ..tats just so purrfect..HIMESH (Hi, I M Established SHit....tats nice...n I m a member of I hate Himesh community :)

also read somewhere...that he shud give his nose a blowjob to cure his nasal voice :D

Cheers!!!

nandita said...

hey u forgot to mention that here we are dealing with a serious case of constipation.. no wonder he comes out with lyrics like "Ek Baar aaja aaja" and "aa re aa re"

CruciFire said...

@ shri - Yes sire, I read GB's post and trust me when I saw that headline, I was taken aback cause I was contemplating writing a whole post on him and I had just started then...I thought if GB had written a whole post on him, fortunately he didn't or else I wudn't have written this one....

@ nandita - arre totally true, i wud have prob included that 'inspiration' of his in my second concluding post... thnx for the comments nyways..

seema said...

aussome......ur sense of humour is out of the world...!!

seema said...

aussome......ur sense of humour is out of the world...!!

CruciFire said...

@ seema - thnx a lot seema, keep checking back often!

Nitin said...

Kudos to ur imagination man....

CruciFire said...

@ Nitin - thanx boss!!

ramith nair said...

Read it atleast 3-4 times....but still evokes the same response! Just cant stop laughing.... :)

CruciFire said...

@ Ramy - thanx a lot man! so did u like this one or part two better?

lenea gal said...

ha ha ha totally true addicting stuff love it. daring wid flashy humor nd masala.