Hi Guys,

I've been writing 69-word, theme-based stories for the digital lifestyle magazine, The Brown Scooter, every month.

Read off and let me know what you think/feel :)


Superheroes Saga - 2

(Junta, Am feeling pretty light-hearted today so am gonna merge the 2nd and 3rd parts of this saga to make it one long Part 2.. njoy!)

Read Part 1 here

Dhruv: To hell with them… We don’t need those US heroes to help us in our endeavor, so let’s get on with the issues. Respect ma authoritah!

Superhero 1: I think those guys were very pissed off.

Dhruv: Oh thank you so much for that update, Stating-The-Obvious Man (STOM)! So the first issue on the table is – Who is Pammy dating nowadays?

Superhero 2: Koi kisi ke saath nahi sota, yeh sab maya hai…

Dhruv: No one asked your opinion, Spiritual-Quotes Man (SQM). Can I get some answers please?

Shaktimaan: I have firm reason to belive that she might be back with Tommy Lee. I saw them at Yellowstone Park yesterday kissing and cuddling each other.

Dhruv: What on earth were you doing there?

Shaktimaan: Oh that! One of my finger-raised-trying-to-create-a-whirlwind stunts went terribly awry. I ended up creating a couple of hurricanes that destroyed half of Texas. Sorry!

Dhruv: You got to watch a few Rajni movies to learn to create and control a whirlwind. All Hail The Great Rajni!

Dhruv: Okay back to work now! So, are we clear on the fact that Pammy is still going around with Tommy?

Sabu: No. I think she is dating Kid RAAKA.

Dhruv: Kid ROCK, u mean.

Sabu: Oh yeah, yeah. I saw them the other day in the back of Pammy’s car and they were completely engrossed in each other. Both Pammy and Kiddy were sitting facing one another gazing into each other’s eyes though I felt that Kiddy’s gaze was a little lower than hers.

Dhruv: Err okay, but since Shaktimaan’s information is the most updated one, we can conclude that Pam and Tommy are back together – topic closed!

Superhero 3: Oh! That’s so cute. But I can imagine what Kid Rock would go through when he comes to know of this, poor soul. He would be all sentimental, wear black clothes, start listening to goth music and try to hurt himself with a blade.

Dhruv: Hey EMO Man (EM), please get the hell outta here! How on earth do people like YOU become superheroes? What do you do? Provide losers with goth CDs and knives?

EM: Heyy even that’s a superheroes job. You guys hurt my feelings, I am leaving the ANUS.

Boo Hoo.

(EM storms out of the conference room sobbing)

Dhruv: Ohh, great relief. Next topic – “How escalating oil prices have affected the lives of poor Malayalis?” So, who can shed some light on this?

Superhero 4: Jnyan chiyam, Meim karoomga. Hello peepuls, meim hoom South Indian Man (SIM). I save people by providing them banana chips, tapioca chips and nariyal paani when they are hungry or thirsty. I also fly to the rescue of ladies who find it difficult to prepare dosa, idli and puttu. I specialize in parotha and chicken curry.

Nagraj: Abey, enough of self-promotion, can you please come back to the topic on hand please? Saap chahiye kya?

SIM: Naheeeem, no please. I would like to bring to ANUS’s kind attention that the recent spike in oil prices have affected the Mallu community the most. You all know how important oil is in the life of a Mallu. As we use it for almost everything, one bottle of Parachute used to last for only 2 days. Now we have to stretch a bottle for a week before I can think of buying a new one, ende kashtam annu ariyamo… I mean what trouble it is do you know? I have to go days without properly having a bath because oil has become so expensive. My sister is unable to nourish her hair everyday sitting on the window sill with half a bottle all because some dim-witted, handkerchief-wearing Arab suddenly realized that his ‘stuff’ was worth a lot more.

Nagraj: But Mr. SIM, the oil that we are referring to here is not…

SIM (interrupts Nagraj): Rukom. Chup Rahom Tum. Let me speak, I want people to know what tragedy we are going through here. Can you imagine how many of my fellowmen have to use shampoo more than once every week to offset their use of oil? Now their hair has become all frizzy and dry and the comb doesn’t slip off the hair as easily as it used to. They have all started resembling that Alex guy who comes on Lola Kutty’s Show. Ende bhagwaane

STOM: Hmm, so all of you use shampoo once every week is it?

Dhruv: WTF? Isn’t that obvious?

STOM: Well if it was, then it was my job to reiterate that, ain’t it?

Nagraj: With superheroes like you, are we ever gonna be able to solve the world’s problems? God save our ANUS!

Nagraj: And Mr. SIM, the oil that we are talking about today is gasoline/petroleum and not coconut oil.

SIM (embarrassed): Ohhhh, is it? I am sooo sorry… I thought it was… u know… hehe… oops!

Dhruv: When was the last time you went out to buy groceries?

SIM: An year back… err, my wife generally buys all the necessary rations you see…

SQM: Maine kahaa tha, sab maya hai. What were we born for? Why are we on this earth, in this human form? Kya hum mein kisi ne iss vishey par kabhi vichaar kiya hai?

Nagraj (giggling): Abey, kal raat ko Premchand aur Socrates dono aaye the kya?

(The whole congregation bursts into laughter.)

Metallica To Play At Lalbaug

Lalbaug : Mumbai metalheads rejoice! Metallica is FINALLY coming to Mumbai. The world's most celebrated metalband is slated to perform at Lalbaug on the last day of Ganesh Chaturthi celebrations. Metallica plans to release their recent album 'Death Magnetic' during their gig here. Our sources (name changed to protect identity) confirmed that Metallica might also be looking at releasing a full length album post their performance in Mumbai; tentatively titled ‘S & M - Dwitiya' (S stands for Sarvajanik Ganeshotsav Mandal, Lalbaug) .

Mr. Patil (only surname given to protect identity), President of the Sarvajanik Ganeshotsav Mandal (SGM) at Lalbaug said, "Amhi very pleased aahe ki Mithali-Ka ikde perphorm karna aahe. I am prouds of the phact that my mandal junta has done something that even the fat guy whatshisname Wadia and Shri. Makhija could not do. Amhi sagle log phaar exicted aahe. We are thinking of printing special Mithali-Ka tshirts and bandanas for our whole team. We are also discussing the possibility of having a 'lejhim dance' bephore Mithali-Ka comes on stage. We have tied up with SapharChand Inc to setup a big, exclusive stall for selling their Amravati-phamous 'AaiPhone' (link to one of my previous posts). Jai Maharashtra. Jai Mithali-Ka"

Venkitachala radhajayasuryakamala murlitharan (he did not listen to us!) our correspondent in the US managed to catch up with James Hetfield, the lead singer of Metallica for a few sound bites. When asked about the Mumbai gig, this is what James had to say,"YEEAAHHHH. YEEEAAHHH. We are all extremely excited about our upcoming gig in Mumbai. This would be our first visit to India and you all know how much we foreigners love India or atleast pretend we do!" When asked about the playlist and rumoured album, James retorted, "YEEAAHH. We would be playing most of our famous songs but the lyrics would be changed to suit the ongoing Ganpati celebrations in India. For example, we would be playing 'One'(inspired from Johnny’s Got His Ganpati), Enter Mooshaka, The Head That Should Not Have Been, Mooshak Militia, And Modaks For All and a few other hits that relate to Lord Ganesha's life. Apart from the above-mentioned songs, the album playlist would consist of 'Call of the Vighnaharta', 'Mama Said' (with lyrics on how he was created), 'Bleeding Me' (song relating to Ganesha's state after the bathroom brawl), Unforgiven 4 (Karthikeya not forgiving his mom after the "fastest around the world" episode), 'Turn The Page' (on the Mahabharatha-writing episode) and two songs dedicated to Lord Shiva (Master Of Bhootgan) and Narada (St. Narad) respectively.

As soon as this news reached a(M) a(N) as(S) leader Aaj Phekrey, he vowed to take out a morcha to protest against band’s use of the name ‘Metallica’ without a Marathi version of the same on the flyers and their equipment.

In unrelated news, Megadeth was rumoured to be on the lookout for a big Ganpati Pandal to play some of their own chartbusters on the last day of immersion.

- By CruciFire (Not-so-Well Street Journal)