Dhruv: To hell with them… We don’t need those
Superhero 1: I think those guys were very pissed off.
Dhruv: Oh thank you so much for that update, Stating-The-Obvious Man (STOM)! So the first issue on the table is – Who is Pammy dating nowadays?
Dhruv: No one asked your opinion, Spiritual-Quotes Man (SQM). Can I get some answers please?
Shaktimaan: I have firm reason to belive that she might be back with Tommy Lee. I saw them at
Dhruv: What on earth were you doing there?
Shaktimaan: Oh that! One of my finger-raised-trying-to-create-a-whirlwind stunts went terribly awry. I ended up creating a couple of hurricanes that destroyed half of
Dhruv: You got to watch a few Rajni movies to learn to create and control a whirlwind. All Hail The Great Rajni!
Dhruv: Okay back to work now! So, are we clear on the fact that Pammy is still going around with Tommy?
Sabu: No. I think she is dating Kid RAAKA.
Dhruv: Kid ROCK, u mean.
Sabu: Oh yeah, yeah. I saw them the other day in the back of Pammy’s car and they were completely engrossed in each other. Both Pammy and Kiddy were sitting facing one another gazing into each other’s eyes though I felt that Kiddy’s gaze was a little lower than hers.
Dhruv: Err okay, but since Shaktimaan’s information is the most updated one, we can conclude that Pam and Tommy are back together – topic closed!
Superhero 3: Oh! That’s so cute. But I can imagine what Kid Rock would go through when he comes to know of this, poor soul. He would be all sentimental, wear black clothes, start listening to goth music and try to hurt himself with a blade.
Dhruv: Hey EMO Man (EM), please get the hell outta here! How on earth do people like YOU become superheroes? What do you do? Provide losers with goth CDs and knives?
EM: Heyy even that’s a superheroes job. You guys hurt my feelings, I am leaving the ANUS.
(EM storms out of the conference room sobbing)
Dhruv: Ohh, great relief. Next topic – “How escalating oil prices have affected the lives of poor Malayalis?” So, who can shed some light on this?
Superhero 4: Jnyan chiyam, Meim karoomga. Hello peepuls, meim hoom South Indian Man (SIM). I save people by providing them banana chips, tapioca chips and nariyal paani when they are hungry or thirsty. I also fly to the rescue of ladies who find it difficult to prepare dosa, idli and puttu. I specialize in parotha and chicken curry.
Nagraj: Abey, enough of self-promotion, can you please come back to the topic on hand please? Saap chahiye kya?
SIM: Naheeeem, no please. I would like to bring to ANUS’s kind attention that the recent spike in oil prices have affected the Mallu community the most. You all know how important oil is in the life of a Mallu. As we use it for almost everything, one bottle of Parachute used to last for only 2 days. Now we have to stretch a bottle for a week before I can think of buying a new one, ende kashtam annu ariyamo… I mean what trouble it is do you know? I have to go days without properly having a bath because oil has become so expensive. My sister is unable to nourish her hair everyday sitting on the window sill with half a bottle all because some dim-witted, handkerchief-wearing Arab suddenly realized that his ‘stuff’ was worth a lot more.
Nagraj: But Mr. SIM, the oil that we are referring to here is not…
SIM (interrupts Nagraj): Rukom. Chup Rahom Tum. Let me speak, I want people to know what tragedy we are going through here. Can you imagine how many of my fellowmen have to use shampoo more than once every week to offset their use of oil? Now their hair has become all frizzy and dry and the comb doesn’t slip off the hair as easily as it used to. They have all started resembling that Alex guy who comes on Lola Kutty’s Show. Ende bhagwaane…
STOM: Hmm, so all of you use shampoo once every week is it?
STOM: Well if it was, then it was my job to reiterate that, ain’t it?
Nagraj: With superheroes like you, are we ever gonna be able to solve the world’s problems? God save our ANUS!
Nagraj: And Mr. SIM, the oil that we are talking about today is gasoline/petroleum and not coconut oil.
SIM (embarrassed): Ohhhh, is it? I am sooo sorry… I thought it was… u know… hehe… oops!
Dhruv: When was the last time you went out to buy groceries?
SIM: An year back… err, my wife generally buys all the necessary rations you see…
Nagraj (giggling): Abey, kal raat ko Premchand aur Socrates dono aaye the kya?
(The whole congregation bursts into laughter.)