Hi Guys,

I've been writing 69-word, theme-based stories for the digital lifestyle magazine, The Brown Scooter, every month.

Read off and let me know what you think/feel :)


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India’s New Rocket Fails To Lift Off

Via Agra, Sept 2025: India’s new satellite - Planetary Explorer: New Indian Shuttle (P.E.N.I.S) failed to take off today, sparking a huge debate about whether spending huge amounts of taxpayer’s money on space programs is justified or not. Counted amongst India’s most prestigious space programs till date, the Space Exploratory Xperience or S.E.X (of which P.E.N.I.S is an integral part) has been in the works for close to a decade now.

Commissioned by the then Chairman of ISRO Homo Bhabha, this mission was estimated to be worth 30 Million paisa to be utilized over a period of 3 years. 9 years and 30.0005 Million paisa later, the project is in its final stages…. of shutting down. After much deliberation, an ISRO veteran scientist, Mr.Dontaskme DickShit (DD) volunteered for an interview, exclusively for ‘Crucifire’s Lair’ readers. Here’s a transcript –


ME – Sir, tell me something about Project S.E.X

DD – You see this project was initiated by the late Homo Bhabha who was apparently cock-sure that there was intelligent life out there in the universe. Have you seen ‘Koi Mil Gaya’?

ME – The Hrithik movie? Yes sir.

DD – Ahh, Homo Bhabha was like Hrithik’s dad in the movie. He used to sit around all day hitting random keys on the CASIO keyboard expecting aliens to contact him from outer space. I am sure those aliens (IF they existed) would have committed suicide listening to the sonic bullcrap he used to churn out from his keyboard.

ME – Err sir, aren’t you being a little harsh on Mr.Bhabha? After all he is the one who spearheaded most of India’s prominent space programs.

DD – Hah, space program, my ass! I would prefer Savita BHABHI to that BHABHA any day.

ME – Okay, let’s not deviate from the topic, so tell me about S.E.X

DD – In my opinion, sex is a spiritual communion of two souls. It’s the physical manifestation of love between a man and a woman. Foreplay is a very important part of sex, my son. Sex happens when a man inserts his p….

ME – *interrupts DD* Project S.E.X sir, not sex.

DD – Ohh, sorry about that! After Chandrayaan, Project S.E.X was supposed to be India’s next big space program. It’s almost a decade now and the project still hasn’t taken off. We are unable to have good S.E.X as our P.E.N.I.S keeps going down every single time we try to launch it.

ME – So, what exactly seems to be the problem?

DD – We have tried launching our satellite more than 50 times but it never stays on course. The rocket carrying the satellite always deviates from its trajectory and ends up crashing in the nearby ocean. This is what we people in the space industry call ‘Projectile Dysfunction’. If a rocket cannot penetrate the outer space, how the hell can we have good S.E.X? It is generally believed we can have good S.E.X with a rocket positioned at “less than 45 degree” but our P.E.N.I.S always leaves its predetermined route and ends up crashing in an ocean.

ME – What now?

DD – Do you have any idea how frustrated we scientists are? It’s been so long since we’ve had a good S.E.X and this P.E.N.I.S is of no use. We tried to stimulate political interest in this project but they are too apathetic. No extra funds, they say. If we don’t have money or a good satellite (like P.E.N.I.S) great S.E.X is close to impossible. They should shut down this project and lay off all of us so that we can atleast have good sex at home *winks*

ME - Yes, well okay… good luck with that!


(Couple of my readers found my references to Dr. Homi Bhabha and ISRO disrespectful.. Guys and gals, I respect Dr. Homi Bhabha and ISRO and all their contributions to the Indian Space Industry, references to them are just in good humour and I mean no disrespect.. Sorry, if it offended anyone I never meant to..)




17 comments:

The Shmoo said...

ROFL! OMG! You are insane! This was (rolls off her chair laughing)... my jaw... oh my jaw!

TheAnand said...

ROFL! Its like...awesome!!!!! the liar strikes again!

K.K. said...

that was fucking good ...

Directionless Wanderer said...

lol it was a good read .... the play of words & acronyms was good & so was the interview

however, I did find it puerile & in bad taste to sort of take a dig at Dr. Homi Bhabha, whose contributions to India's nuclear & space programs has been immense & legendary!

and also, its a wrong time to satirize ISRO - if at all any Govt. research organization is making international inroads & creating global buzz, its ISRO .... so it kinda lacks credibility when you parody them .... its a lot more plausible & relatable to parody our netas & abhinetas

Gaurav said...

ammmazin bro.. loved the P.E.N.I.S acronymn... keep rockin..

K.K. said...

JK @ I also agree with Directionless Wanderer. Put a small disclaimer or some kind of a note.

ketan said...

BWAHAHAHAHHAH ROFLMAO TOO GOOD!

CruciFire said...

@Everyone - Thanks a million, am really glad u guys enjoyed it..

@Rajiv and @KK - Guys chill, all in good humour, i mean no disrespect... have added a comment at the end :)

@nkiit said...

Cool :)

CruciFire said...

@nkiit - thanks dude

shruticute said...

DUDE! OMG!
Before I just start repeating what the others said....just one question..
Can you lend me a piece of your brain?
:)

CruciFire said...

@shruti - hehe sorry kutta i can't :P thanks btw..

Prats said...

Hilarious!!

Loved the post and good to see you alive on the Blog after a long time....

Though the patriot in me didnt allowed me to enjoy the dig on Dr. Homi Bhabha and ISRO, understand u r just being humorous.

CruciFire said...

@prats - arre gud to see u here prateek bhai and thanx a lot for the comments!

Divya said...

That was insane :D

CruciFire said...

@divya thanx a lot madam

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now. Keep it up!
And according to this article, I totally agree with your opinion, but only this time! :)