Random Thoughts - 2
Worst Case Scenario
Scenario 1: (Hospital - A couple of ward boys (WB) come running in with an injured man on a stretcher)
WB – Doctor saab, doctor saab, please come fast and attend to this person here…he’s met with an accident and is quite critical.. probably his neck is broken, spinal cord ruptured…
Doc (munching on his snack) – Spinal cord kya?rupture?punture? (Laughs) Don’t u guys know that I have NEVER attended to such cases even though I am supposed to be.. I don’t have time now…moreover, I dn’t know A,B,C,D of bones AND I was never made for this…Find some other dude…
Scenario 2: (Doctor coming out with a couple of nurses from the Operation Theatre)
Doc (winking at one of the nurses) – Hey babes, didn’t I tell u that I was a born genious!! Wah, wot an operation…wot a surgery…
Nurse (without looking at the doc) – Yeah right…anyways, looks like it has been a long operation…wots the time now?
Doc (pointing towards his wrist) – Sweetheart, look at this new watch…
Nurse (giving a bewildered look) – Wot watch? Where?
Doc (totally shocked) – Hey bhagwaan, whr’s my new watch… Operation Theater ke andar jaane ke pehle toh tha mere haath pe… (scratches his half-bald head) OH MY GOD!!!
I know the scenarios above are bit a far-fetched to be true… but wot the hell!!!
You know you have been playing Unreal Tournament for quite a long time when...
You run around the whole house looking for the ‘INVISIBILITY’ when your mom comes pestering behind you to get some housework done.
When you sleep, you dream of missiles and shock beams being fired straight at you!
You are so bored of a particular lecture that you throw a Frisbee at the teacher in an attempt to ‘TELEFRAG’ him/her.
You go into the toilet hoping to come out of the bathroom.
You occasionally run to the top of your terrace and climb on top of the water tank looking for the ‘SHIELD BELT’.
After donning the belt, you try to jump on to the other building thinking that you are in ‘MORPHEUS’. (Warning: This could end up reducing the number of members in your family by 1.)
On Independence Day, u along with four of
U try to frag
Then, u run around fragging
U occasionally look under
Your vocab changes: Neighbours = Bots, Colony = Map
Finally, when someone gets hurt in
Parental Advisory!
Parental Advisory: Please DO NOT consume (or let your children/collegues/relatives consume) the new 'Chikkers' at any cost. All the lovey-dovey, sugar-coated, honey-dipped, jaggery-soaked ads that you see in the local trains don't tell u the most important thing – the name of its manufacturer/owner.
After indepth inspection, it has come to moi notice that this brand is owned by non-other than the 'strongest' company in
Oh btw, for the uninformed, Pidlite's other famous brands include Fevicol, Fevikwik and Dr.Fixit. So, you can probably imagine ur plight after biting into a ‘Chikkers’…u’ll be like Keanu Reeves from Matrix…wot use is a phone Mr.Anderson, if ur unable to speak…?!
Dimaag Ka Dahi...
Starting a new 'non-quotable' quotes section (right hand side, just above the clock) whr u'll find some of the whackiest quotes ever quoted...Omg kitna baar 'quote, quote'..!
Business Management and Life
You get up early in the morning and find that your toothpaste tube is out. You squash it, roll it up and squeeze it to bring out whatever little is left inside so that there is an ‘optimum utilization’ of the available resources. After that, you sit to have your Maggi and all the while keep fooling around with its wrapper trying to find out the manufacturer’s name, country of origin and the marketer’s name for a business quiz. Your mom ‘delegates’ the buying of the groceries to you because she has run out of her ‘inventory’. Not wanting to venture out, you ‘outsource’ the job to your younger brother by explaining to him that it is your ‘non-core’ activity.
You wade through the pile of case-studies, exam papers and notes in your bedroom to finally reach to the PC and then sit down to do your projects. Just when it seems that the project is complete enough to be printed out, the printer just stops working! Now, what should you do so as to reduce your ‘lead time’ of taking out the printouts and the ‘crash the process time’ of reaching the college? You start off with a ‘mission’ to reach college from home with little (pocket money) ‘operating cost’ (because mom is trying to ‘cut costs’) , jump on your dad’s ‘capital investment’ (new bike) and off you go to the nearest BPO outfit – the printoutwalla. In your urgency to abide by your ‘targets/deadlines’, you fail to see thorough his effective CRM and subtle marketing strategies and end up increasing his net sales by 1% and gross profits by 0.5%.
You somehow reach college JIT (Just-in-time) for the attendance and escape being given a VRS to sit at home. The teacher gives back a ‘performance appraisal’ report (mark sheet) to the whole class and you pride on the fact that the ‘strategic alliance’ with your neighbour during the exams finally worked. You do your presentations cribbing about the PowerPoint version all the time, forget a classmate’s birthday inspite of having the phone chain and pick a fight with a popular friend for gaining ‘a share of the market’ (attention from girls) from him. After the class gets over, you calmly retreat to your residential resort wondering how the no of projects u do exceeds the no of movies and parties u go to and whether globalization was started by Mr. T.N.Seshan!