This is a take off on a song by Metallica "For whom the bell tolls" (original lyrics)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Make his call from the hill in the early days
Constant error deep inside
Roaming cell, with (it) they run through the endless gray
A voice from the other end says, "Kaun hai be?"
For a cell, men would kill. Why? They do not know
Mobile cos test their pride
Men of five, still alive through the raging glow
Gone insane from the disconnection that they surely know
For whom the cell tolls
the battery goes down
For whom the cell tolls
Take a look to the sky before the network dies
It's the last time you will
Blackened roar, massive roar, fills the crumbling sky
Shattered reception fills his cell with a ruthless cry
Stranger now are his ears to this mystery
He hears the static so loud
Crack of dawn, all is gone except the bill to be
Now they see what will be, roaming charges bhi
For whom the cell tolls
the network goes down
For whom the cell tolls
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Motorola unveils new Adnan Sami series of phones!
Motorola Announces Exclusive Agreement with Adnan Sami
The deal also includes the license to embed exclusive Adnan content – such as screen savers and video clips of the star in action (with Amisha and Rani) – in Motorola handsets. The handset will have a huge 5” inch screen (for obvious reasons) and will come with pre-loaded tunes such as ‘Lift Karade…’ and ‘Tera Chehra…’ and 2000x2400 wallpapers (so that atleast half of Adnan can be seen on-screen.) Adnan, when contacted, commented, “ Waise bhi kafi time se kuch record deals nahi mil raha tha, phir mere dost halkat Pinto ne mujhe bataya ki Motorola was looking out for an artist to start a new ‘series’ of phones, so I stepped in. Actually, I stepped ON (giggles, shaking like a jelly) the Retail Marketing VP’s foot and he is still recuperating at the R.E.M hospital”. “You see, you see the pun – stepped IN, stepped ON, haan? haan? Damn, I’m so funny!!!”
The bed-ridden VP of Retail Marketing at Motorola Mobile Devices said, “We're very excited about this collaboration for ourselves, our customers and our consumers. Adnan Sami is a global XXXL icon and we look forward to working with him across a range of projects. In particular, we're delighted that he'll be using his immense popularity to help promote (MOTU) HIPPO."
The company has also entered into a joint venture with Wire Iron Plastic Steelpipe & Paper Products (WIPSPP) for an image makeover and a series of new ads. A new mascot will be unveiled; probably an overweight st.bernard running behind Adnan (wherever your elephant goes, our dog follows!) and the new adline is goin to be – HELLO MOTU.
- CruciFire (Correspondent, Unassociated Press)
Random Thoughts - 5
If Google comes out with a watch, will we have to 'search' for sometime???
... I wonder!
... I wonder!
ARMAGEDDON is back...
...And he gathered them together into a place called in the Hebrew tongue Armageddon...
- Revelations 16:16 (King James Version)
Sinister shadows shroud the World,
Introduced in the year 2001, ARMAGEDDON is a Business Quiz organised by the BMS students of Mulund College of Commerce, Mumbai.
Armageddon-2005 witnessed a congregation of the best business quizzing brains from across the country. The onstage finale saw Amit Pandeya (QuestaSoft) and Kiran K (Qualteam) vanquishing the likes of Mitesh Agarwal and Ajay Kasargod (Sun Microsystems / WYSE Technologies), Rohan Khanna and Gajendra Kothari (Accenture / UTI AMC), Gururaj and Vijay (JWT / JP Morgan), G Sreekanth and Sabyasachi (TCS) and Arvind Khusape and Aniruddh (SBI / SIES) to clinch the coveted title.
The torchbearers of hardcore biz quizzing are back with Armageddon 2006, and promise to unleash a whole new world of knowledge excellence.
The quiz will comprise of a Written Elims from which the Top 6 teams will go through to the Finals.
Following are the details:
Date & Time: 10th September at 12 noon
Team Members: Two per team(A Team can comprise of participants from two different institutions / organisations)
Entry Fee: Free for students and Rs. 150 per team for Corporates
Venue: Mulund College of Commerce, Sarojini Naidu Road,Mulund (W), Bombay - 400080
Prizes:
First - Rs. 25000
Second - Rs. 15000
Third - Rs. 10000
Spykar gift vouchers worth Rs. 5000 to all teams in the finals.
For further details: Samruddhi - 09833524561 OR mail armareturns@gmail.com or dhanu80@rediffmail.com
Here are a few questions from Armageddon-2005
1. It was unveiled on Oct 12, 1988 in a packed Davis Symphony Hall in San Francisco, by demonstrating its ability to run four stopwatches at once and give a synthetic rendition of Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech. What?
2. Edward Bellamy, a lawyer and author, in his utopian book "Looking Backward: 2000-1887" described a society where transactions would essentially be conducted between the consumer and the Government and every citizen would have a share of the annual product of the nation. What term did he coin as a result?
3. Its roots can be traced back to 1979 when William Bernbach got the inspiration from banks who were offering toasters and electric blankets to their best customers and to new customers for opening accounts. It was launched on May 1, 1981 under the name 'AAdvantage'. What?
4. Introduced in the 1870s, there are currently four in number and are operated simultaneously. Measuring 18 inches in diameter, they were manufactured by the G S Edwards Company of Connecticut. In the late 1980s, it was decided to refurbish them and add another one as a back-up. However, it was discovered that such of its kind were no longer being made by any company. Hence, G S Edwards Co. agreed to make a special replica and brought employees out of retirement to handle the job. While this was being done, an older one was discovered, which was polished and is now used as a spare one. What am I referring to?
5. A short film titled 'True', directed by Charles Stone III featured his childhood friends Fred Thomas, Paul Williams and Scott Brooks who would sit around using the catch-phrase '_______'. It caught the attention of copywriter Vinny Warren who signed Stone to direct television commercials for a brand based on the film. Identify the brand / catch-phrase.
- Revelations 16:16 (King James Version)
ARMAGEDDON-2006
Sinister shadows shroud the World,
Death-knell signal doom,
No magic shall shield thee,
Sheer knowledge be thy savior.
Let the war begin...
Introduced in the year 2001, ARMAGEDDON is a Business Quiz organised by the BMS students of Mulund College of Commerce, Mumbai.
Armageddon-2005 witnessed a congregation of the best business quizzing brains from across the country. The onstage finale saw Amit Pandeya (QuestaSoft) and Kiran K (Qualteam) vanquishing the likes of Mitesh Agarwal and Ajay Kasargod (Sun Microsystems / WYSE Technologies), Rohan Khanna and Gajendra Kothari (Accenture / UTI AMC), Gururaj and Vijay (JWT / JP Morgan), G Sreekanth and Sabyasachi (TCS) and Arvind Khusape and Aniruddh (SBI / SIES) to clinch the coveted title.
The torchbearers of hardcore biz quizzing are back with Armageddon 2006, and promise to unleash a whole new world of knowledge excellence.
The quiz will comprise of a Written Elims from which the Top 6 teams will go through to the Finals.
Following are the details:
Date & Time: 10th September at 12 noon
Team Members: Two per team(A Team can comprise of participants from two different institutions / organisations)
Entry Fee: Free for students and Rs. 150 per team for Corporates
Venue: Mulund College of Commerce, Sarojini Naidu Road,Mulund (W), Bombay - 400080
Prizes:
First - Rs. 25000
Second - Rs. 15000
Third - Rs. 10000
Spykar gift vouchers worth Rs. 5000 to all teams in the finals.
For further details: Samruddhi - 09833524561 OR mail armareturns@gmail.com or dhanu80@rediffmail.com
Here are a few questions from Armageddon-2005
1. It was unveiled on Oct 12, 1988 in a packed Davis Symphony Hall in San Francisco, by demonstrating its ability to run four stopwatches at once and give a synthetic rendition of Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech. What?
2. Edward Bellamy, a lawyer and author, in his utopian book "Looking Backward: 2000-1887" described a society where transactions would essentially be conducted between the consumer and the Government and every citizen would have a share of the annual product of the nation. What term did he coin as a result?
3. Its roots can be traced back to 1979 when William Bernbach got the inspiration from banks who were offering toasters and electric blankets to their best customers and to new customers for opening accounts. It was launched on May 1, 1981 under the name 'AAdvantage'. What?
4. Introduced in the 1870s, there are currently four in number and are operated simultaneously. Measuring 18 inches in diameter, they were manufactured by the G S Edwards Company of Connecticut. In the late 1980s, it was decided to refurbish them and add another one as a back-up. However, it was discovered that such of its kind were no longer being made by any company. Hence, G S Edwards Co. agreed to make a special replica and brought employees out of retirement to handle the job. While this was being done, an older one was discovered, which was polished and is now used as a spare one. What am I referring to?
5. A short film titled 'True', directed by Charles Stone III featured his childhood friends Fred Thomas, Paul Williams and Scott Brooks who would sit around using the catch-phrase '_______'. It caught the attention of copywriter Vinny Warren who signed Stone to direct television commercials for a brand based on the film. Identify the brand / catch-phrase.
QUIZ TILL THOU DROPETH DEAD!!!
Random Thoughts - 4
Did u guys know that when a new Pope is elected, the votes are burned in such a way that white smoke comes out and when a decision has not been made, the votes are burned in a way to let out black smoke?!
Sometimes, I wonder... wot wud happen if grey smoke comes out?
A POP(E)AT perhaps....
Sometimes, I wonder... wot wud happen if grey smoke comes out?
A POP(E)AT perhaps....
The Himesh Saga - Part II (Final Part)
With 10 rupees, a torn cap and the lego mike in his hand, he set forth for Bollywood. En route to Mumbai via the Pune expressway, he came across a resort at Igatpuri and decided to stay there overnight.
Manager: Good evening sir, how may I help you?
Himesh: OOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo a room..I need, I need, I need a roooom…
Manager: Y to sing? Can’t you just converse normally, EVER? let me c, since you’ve checked in so late, it might be difficult to find a vacant room…
Manager (after 5 mins of searching): Sorry sir, there is no room vacant right now…
Himesh: What hell is the u talking? Koi room nahi? Not even the loos?
(Suddenly, out of nowhere a well-dressed man in a suit appears there with a book in his hand.)
Himesh: who the fuck is u man? (turning to the manager) who the fuck is he?
Manager: I have no idea sir…
(POOF…The man disappears…)
Manager: Coming back to our original problem sir…there is no vacant room!!
*Himesh (red in his face with anger): WOT!!! What the hell am I supposed to do now? (Bangs his hand on the desk)
(Scene: A hot-water spring erupts somewhere… A dog circles around trying to catch his own tail... A nullah overflows... fish piss in water... donkeys mate...)
*When Himesh gets angry…. SOMETHINGS happen SOMEWHERE!!!
Finally, after much deliberation Himesh agrees to sleep in the kitchen.
In the middle of the night, Himesh is suddenly awakened by a strong light source in his room. He puts on his cap and gets up to investigate and he is over-awed at what he sees… (*BLING-BLING*) Decked with all the latest in gold jewellery, there’s Bappida (on a cow) standing right in front of him with one arm held straight up as if blessing Himesh….
Himesh: Oh Bappida, YOU yourself have come here to bless me? Oh I am so unfortunate; I mean so fortunate to see you… pls advise me…
Bappida: I will ask you 3 questions, if u answer them correctly u will become the next big thing…. first question – Who brought rock & roll/disco into
Himesh: YOU who else….
The cow moos.
Bappida: Good… second question – Which great person used to give the kinda music that today’s music directors compose?
Himesh: YOU Bappida…
The cow moos and nods his head in approval.
Bappida: Haha great… last question – What is the cube of 13?
Himesh (after much thinking): SUROOR!!!
Bappida: Spot-on… you are destined to become the next big thing my son…AMEN!
Before he can go back to sleep, he feels a sudden urge to pee and this urge contributed to penning one of his first songs… Loo Ki Smooth Deewaron pe…. Yes that’s the one!!!
After arriving at Mumbai, he tries his hand at odd jobs for some money – a cow-dung cleaner, a crash test dummy, a beggar and a kabadi-wala. Some of his other odd jobs (and the resulting songs) include-
Undertaker – Jhalak dikla ja… Ek baar aaja aaja (some people also consider the origin of this song to be his constipation; me thinks his other song –
BMC cleaner – Tum naale main, Tum gatar mein, Utar gayeaaaa….
Theme song composer (for my college’s National-level business quiz - ARMAGEDDON) – Jane kitne ARMA, ARMA, ARMA….
…and well finally he got his break with shirtless khan’s Pyar Kiya Toh Darna Kya in 1998 and as the done-to-death cliché goes – REST IS HISTORY!!!
Crucifire – Yeah right!… considering that he make around 5 remixes of every single song, I wonder how many songs he actually has…
Himesh – One hundred and fifty crore people can’t be wrong!
Crucifire – How I wish u know how wrong they are! I don’t think counting the 1, 49, 99,999 people who are MADE to listen to your crap against their free will as being hardcore fans is right….
Himesh - …there is divine intervention in everything I do…
Crucifire – Boss, shudn’t it be BOVINE intervention… Bappida ko bhool
Himesh – And then as a music director I listened to my own song to find out how singer HR sounded and I liked what I heard.
Crucifire – Dude, sometimes cassettes get changed as people forget to label them… just in case it was yours for sure – Dr.Chedda, Nasal and Ear Specialist, Red Light Area, Kamathipura (E).
Himesh – We have successfully created the concept of a rock star with the ‘Suroor’ video…He (school-friend Prashant Chaddha) suggested that I wear a cap and grow a beard.
Crucifire – ROCK STAR!! ROTFL….. F*****, u have any idea who a rock star is? If I ever get to meet that Chaddha guy, I’ll strangle his neck….
Himesh – With my new look I have also been getting offer for acting… a Bryan Adams or Michel Jackson doesn’t need to act in films…
Crucifire – Acting in wot? MMS clips? And u’ve got the b**** to compare urself to a Bryan Adams and Michel Jackson!! KUTTE…
Himesh – I am here as long as it lasts…
Crucifire – DEAD ON..!
I M Comin' and FREE eBooks!!!
Hello Ppl,
Its been a loooooooong time since I updated my dear blog... technical problems, personal problems, bloggers' block and just plain lazy at times...
Btw, for the people who didn't already know, there is a World eBook Fair going on right now to celebrate 35 years of Project Gutenberg and guess wot? they are giving away almost 330,000+ eBooks totally FREE...
Download them from here: - http://worldebookfair.com/
...I will be back! Asta la Vista baby!!!
Its been a loooooooong time since I updated my dear blog... technical problems, personal problems, bloggers' block and just plain lazy at times...
Btw, for the people who didn't already know, there is a World eBook Fair going on right now to celebrate 35 years of Project Gutenberg and guess wot? they are giving away almost 330,000+ eBooks totally FREE...
Download them from here: - http://worldebookfair.com/
...I will be back! Asta la Vista baby!!!
Random Thoughts - 3
I wonder.... If Jhumpa Lahiri writes a book on Birth Control, wot wud be its title?
Interpreter of Mala - D's ... probably......
Interpreter of Mala - D's ... probably......
The HIMESH Saga - Part I
Disclaimer: If Any Of U Takes This Seriously…They will be hooked on to a chair with headphones and made to listen to every single hit of Himesh over and over and over again…Punishment being Prescribed Under Section XXX of “Freedom Of Speech For The Mute” Act of 3005 A.H (After Himesh)
Loo ki smooth deewaron pe,
Deewaron pe,
Pee hai Tera tera,
Pee hai tera tera,
(well the one above is not the exact version but I’ll tell you the funda later…)
One of the many ubiquitous songs that you will hear all around u, blaring from literally every corner of the street…and as the cliché goes – love him, hate him, u just can’t ignore him…he is the one and only - Himesh Reshammiya, the only worthy competitor to a donkey and Anu malik (aren’t both one and the same….wotever!) until now... He is omnipresent, omnipotent, impotent..BUT do any of u know the real story behind this i-wont-give-my-money-to-gillette, unwashed-for-years-cap-wearing, evolution-not-yet-complete creature…
It all started in Somalia… born in a small two-room hut, the only lighting that his tiny home had was a single ray of sun that fell upon his bald head while he used to play with a LEGO mike in his hand.. though his family cud barely manage 3 meals a day, they somehow didn’t quite like the idea of their son being all black when he wud grow up (due the aforementioned ray of sunlight), so guess wot? they bought him a cap from the the nearby kachra-kundi.
He absolutely loved donning the cap every single freaking day of his pithy life (which continues even till today!!) and staring at the sole sun-ray, which btw fell at a precise angle of 45.5 degrees against the floor…. He had no idea that one day this sun-staring ordeal would take a toll on his neck and permanently paralyze him into looking at the ceiling, and give a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘looking upto’ someone/something… Years passed by and this unnamed stupid boy kept making weird noises with his LEGO mike held up high… the first ever sound he made brought the whole animal kingdom to his home… ooooooooooOOOOOO ...
Lion (to other animals) – Wasn’t Tarzan a fictional character created by Edgar Burroghs, who the hell is this?
Elephant – This is no Tarzan or Phantom or Mowgli… Haven’t you seen one of those
Lion – Hmm, then I guess there’s nothing to be afraid of… anyways, he seems to have inherited all those qualities (wrong word!) of his previous life… god save us… going by the fact that another animal hybrid (read Anu Malik) is making big bucks in Bollywood as a music director and part-time brayer (yippee, new word…), I’m sure this boy will go on to be bigger and harsher than Anu Malik…. AMEN!!!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Random Thoughts - 2
I wonder... in the loo, why is it that the commode closest to the door gets pee(d) upon the most...
Worst Case Scenario
Scenario 1: (Hospital - A couple of ward boys (WB) come running in with an injured man on a stretcher)
WB – Doctor saab, doctor saab, please come fast and attend to this person here…he’s met with an accident and is quite critical.. probably his neck is broken, spinal cord ruptured…
Doc (munching on his snack) – Spinal cord kya?rupture?punture? (Laughs) Don’t u guys know that I have NEVER attended to such cases even though I am supposed to be.. I don’t have time now…moreover, I dn’t know A,B,C,D of bones AND I was never made for this…Find some other dude…
Scenario 2: (Doctor coming out with a couple of nurses from the Operation Theatre)
Doc (winking at one of the nurses) – Hey babes, didn’t I tell u that I was a born genious!! Wah, wot an operation…wot a surgery…
Nurse (without looking at the doc) – Yeah right…anyways, looks like it has been a long operation…wots the time now?
Doc (pointing towards his wrist) – Sweetheart, look at this new watch…
Nurse (giving a bewildered look) – Wot watch? Where?
Doc (totally shocked) – Hey bhagwaan, whr’s my new watch… Operation Theater ke andar jaane ke pehle toh tha mere haath pe… (scratches his half-bald head) OH MY GOD!!!
I know the scenarios above are bit a far-fetched to be true… but wot the hell!!!
DO WE REALLY NEED RESERVATIONS?
You know you have been playing Unreal Tournament for quite a long time when...
You run around the whole house looking for the ‘INVISIBILITY’ when your mom comes pestering behind you to get some housework done.
When you sleep, you dream of missiles and shock beams being fired straight at you!
You are so bored of a particular lecture that you throw a Frisbee at the teacher in an attempt to ‘TELEFRAG’ him/her.
You go into the toilet hoping to come out of the bathroom.
You occasionally run to the top of your terrace and climb on top of the water tank looking for the ‘SHIELD BELT’.
After donning the belt, you try to jump on to the other building thinking that you are in ‘MORPHEUS’. (Warning: This could end up reducing the number of members in your family by 1.)
On Independence Day, u along with four of
U try to frag
Then, u run around fragging
U occasionally look under
Your vocab changes: Neighbours = Bots, Colony = Map
Finally, when someone gets hurt in
Parental Advisory!
Parental Advisory: Please DO NOT consume (or let your children/collegues/relatives consume) the new 'Chikkers' at any cost. All the lovey-dovey, sugar-coated, honey-dipped, jaggery-soaked ads that you see in the local trains don't tell u the most important thing – the name of its manufacturer/owner.
After indepth inspection, it has come to moi notice that this brand is owned by non-other than the 'strongest' company in
Oh btw, for the uninformed, Pidlite's other famous brands include Fevicol, Fevikwik and Dr.Fixit. So, you can probably imagine ur plight after biting into a ‘Chikkers’…u’ll be like Keanu Reeves from Matrix…wot use is a phone Mr.Anderson, if ur unable to speak…?!
Dimaag Ka Dahi...
Yo Ppl,
Starting a new 'non-quotable' quotes section (right hand side, just above the clock) whr u'll find some of the whackiest quotes ever quoted...Omg kitna baar 'quote, quote'..!
Starting a new 'non-quotable' quotes section (right hand side, just above the clock) whr u'll find some of the whackiest quotes ever quoted...Omg kitna baar 'quote, quote'..!
Business Management and Life
You get up early in the morning and find that your toothpaste tube is out. You squash it, roll it up and squeeze it to bring out whatever little is left inside so that there is an ‘optimum utilization’ of the available resources. After that, you sit to have your Maggi and all the while keep fooling around with its wrapper trying to find out the manufacturer’s name, country of origin and the marketer’s name for a business quiz. Your mom ‘delegates’ the buying of the groceries to you because she has run out of her ‘inventory’. Not wanting to venture out, you ‘outsource’ the job to your younger brother by explaining to him that it is your ‘non-core’ activity.
You wade through the pile of case-studies, exam papers and notes in your bedroom to finally reach to the PC and then sit down to do your projects. Just when it seems that the project is complete enough to be printed out, the printer just stops working! Now, what should you do so as to reduce your ‘lead time’ of taking out the printouts and the ‘crash the process time’ of reaching the college? You start off with a ‘mission’ to reach college from home with little (pocket money) ‘operating cost’ (because mom is trying to ‘cut costs’) , jump on your dad’s ‘capital investment’ (new bike) and off you go to the nearest BPO outfit – the printoutwalla. In your urgency to abide by your ‘targets/deadlines’, you fail to see thorough his effective CRM and subtle marketing strategies and end up increasing his net sales by 1% and gross profits by 0.5%.
You somehow reach college JIT (Just-in-time) for the attendance and escape being given a VRS to sit at home. The teacher gives back a ‘performance appraisal’ report (mark sheet) to the whole class and you pride on the fact that the ‘strategic alliance’ with your neighbour during the exams finally worked. You do your presentations cribbing about the PowerPoint version all the time, forget a classmate’s birthday inspite of having the phone chain and pick a fight with a popular friend for gaining ‘a share of the market’ (attention from girls) from him. After the class gets over, you calmly retreat to your residential resort wondering how the no of projects u do exceeds the no of movies and parties u go to and whether globalization was started by Mr. T.N.Seshan!
Political Timepass!!!
Mr.George's Bushisms have been a treat for a lot of us for quite sometime now... Frankly, I sometimes marvel at the pure genius of the guy (Big Brother) who actually writes those totally awesome speeches for that dumbo to read out....
Btw, here's a chance to play Big Brother... I came across this nifty website that actually lets you create customized speeches for Mr.Bush and later make him read it out too, in his own squeaky voice..!
http://www.actofme.co.uk/bush_speech/bushspeechwriter.html
check it out, its damn cool....
Btw, here's a chance to play Big Brother... I came across this nifty website that actually lets you create customized speeches for Mr.Bush and later make him read it out too, in his own squeaky voice..!
http://www.actofme.co.uk/bush_speech/bushspeechwriter.html
check it out, its damn cool....
Crystal Ball Gazing...
I am a man with a vision, foursight... Someone who has been getting blurry visions... whose intution works quite good sometimes..... I see my future and this is wot it is - I will be losing focus of my goals... financial problems are to beseige me... my life will become colourless with nothing to 'look' forward too... the road to my final destination will be all hazy... my actions will lack clarity...
All this till coming Tuesday morning... I broke my glasses yesterday!!!
All this till coming Tuesday morning... I broke my glasses yesterday!!!
Random Thoughts - 1
Just a random thought.... Wot wud have been John's nickname if his surname was Lemon (i.e John Lemon)?
I guess, he would have been called a VOLKSWAGEN BEATLE!!!
I guess, he would have been called a VOLKSWAGEN BEATLE!!!
Apunka First Post
Hi All,
After a long, long, long time ....finally my OWN blog (yipeee!).. With a lot of my dear friends - Dhanu, KK, Ashwin & Surya already into blogging way before me, I was waiting to jump-in...but due to (much cliched) "technical problems" was unable to do so.... So here goes my first post...
This article/writeup was written by me during my journalism days at St.Xavier's...The assignment was to weave a story around the words marked in red.....
Btw, it won the "Best Humorous Story" prize - a Cadbury Perk!!!
(I would recommend u keep a dictionary in hand before you start reading the post...)
After a long, long, long time ....finally my OWN blog (yipeee!).. With a lot of my dear friends - Dhanu, KK, Ashwin & Surya already into blogging way before me, I was waiting to jump-in...but due to (much cliched) "technical problems" was unable to do so.... So here goes my first post...
This article/writeup was written by me during my journalism days at St.Xavier's...The assignment was to weave a story around the words marked in red.....
Btw, it won the "Best Humorous Story" prize - a Cadbury Perk!!!
(I would recommend u keep a dictionary in hand before you start reading the post...)
(This is a parody of one of the relatively famous incidents (scenes) of Mahabharata – wherein the Pandavas are being trained in archery by Guru Dhronacharya.)
Courtesy their lenient parents, the five affluent and audaciously intrepid Pandavas go to attend a clandestine National-level seminar on “Guerilla Warfare”, organised by the notorious gay demagogue Shiv Khera (SK of ‘You Can Kill’ fame).
SK: Welcome to this enervating and anomalous one hour seminar on how to kill people accurately with AK-47’s and launchers. Firstly, there would be a ‘bulls-eye’ simulation test for examining the ocular accuracy of budding tyros. So, let’s start with the magnanimous, naive Prince Yudhistir……
(A phlegmatic and taciturn launcher-trotting Yudhistir comes and stands besides the prurient SK who sensuously whacks Yudhistir’s butt.)
SK: Oops! Sorry for that inveterate gesture of mine. So Prince Yudhistir, tell me whether you can spot a person at that bunker?
Yudhistir: (giving a baffled and apathetic look) No man, I don’t see anyone there.
SK: Please consult an ophthalmologist. Ok, Prince Arjun you come next.
(A disheveled Arjun comes with an AK and stands beside SK, who repeats himself.)
SK: I apologise, PEACE. Prince Arjun, can you see a person at that bunker?
(Arjun incorrigibly shoots a guy down and leaves, and almost instantly an NDTV reporter and cameraman appear there shouting “News first!”)
SK: Incredible!!! Oh ‘Gourmet Prince’ Bhima, you are next.
(Repulsively, Prince Bhima tries but shoots down a plane and Al-Qaida frisks him away. Next, the loquacious Nakula tries circumspectly but shoots down a dog and a mob of antipathetic and cacophonic PETA supporters squash him close to sending his body for autopsy.)
SK: Unequivocally egregious!!!
(A congenitally neurotic Sahadev supersedes Nakula and tries his luck but his Uzi bullet ricochets off a vacillating metal plate and instantly kills martinet SK. Game Over.)
Hope u guys liked it....and yes...this is NOT my general style of writing...
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